(inspired by the children's book, "If You Give A Moose A Muffin": http://books.google.com/... , with additional credit to Marco Rubio and Sarah Palin)
If you give a Republican a credit card, he'll want to take his friends out to lunch. But while they're waiting for their drinks they'll remember that the lunch is subsidized by the taxpayers, so they'll want to celebrate.
They'll all leave the restaurant in the Republican's wife's minivan, where they'll drive to the grocery store to buy a cake. In the grocery store, they'll listen to the Bee Gees "Stayin' Alive", and they'll all have so much fun making John Travolta dance moves that when they're back in the minivan they'll want to hear the song again, so the Republican will buy it as a ringtone from the Apple.com store.
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